I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
