Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
