my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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