this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
