I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
