Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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