Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
