Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
