I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As shirtless as possible
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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