i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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