Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
