I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
