Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
