exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
