You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
