your parents love me but you hate me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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