I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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