letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hippo gnu deer
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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