You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
