Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
