He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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