my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
