mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
