Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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