guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
