i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
