someone owes me an orgasm
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
