He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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