no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
