I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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