Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
