Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
