he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
