dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Randomize
