I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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