That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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