I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
