after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
