Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
