You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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