The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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