So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
