the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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