I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
