Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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