yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
