What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
