plz talk dirty to me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
