Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
