Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
