i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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