do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
