I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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