Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
