As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
