saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
