I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
