i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
