He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
