he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I FOUND THE LEGS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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