Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
