there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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