This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
