My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
