New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
