Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
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Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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