So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
