can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
