im about as happy as oj after his trial
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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