Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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