Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
