Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
