you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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