I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
