Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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