Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
