somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
