Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
