One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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