Betty ford says i'm here all night
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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