We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
